Remembering Neville Vakil
Aban Mukherji, Mumbai, 13 September 2020
Today is my cousin Neville’s birth anniversary and I remember him with love and gratitude. He was the epitome of all the values I associate with my Lalkaka family—loving, courteous thoughtful, easy to please and difficult to rattle, full of empathy and understanding, always ready to give the benefit of the doubt to those whose behaviour he found wanting. But behind his gentle ways was a steely determination to do what was right. Nothing could make him waver from the path of virtue, yet he bore his goodness so lightly that no one felt small and inadequate in front of him.
From Neville I learnt what true graciousness of spirit was. However angry or upset he was with someone he countered it with understanding which led to forgiveness and an acceptance of the situation without losing his equanimity. He was truly a peacemaker whose joi de vivre was quite infectious. One lost one’s anxious outlook, unease, worry and feelings of inadequacy when one was in his presence. He always encouraged people to strive for the highest, the best within them. No one was turned away from his door before receiving encouragement and hope. His mother, my aunt Shirinfui, had always remembered her mother Pirojbai’s advice that all, especially the needy, must be made welcome ‘if not with a flower then with at least a petal of the blossom.’
Just being in Neville’s presence made one feel whole and complete; ready to face whatever life had in store for us. What Neville exemplified was an attitude of tolerance, acceptance and love towards all who came in touch with him. And this attitude can be cultivated by those of us who tend to be impulsive and impatient, jumping to conclusions, insisting on perceiving the situation only from one standpoint, and that too, usually the most uncharitable one!
Neville could put himself in another’s shoes and feel the pain of that person. This would immediately mellow and modify his initial response and he could observe the situation through the lens of compassion. No one was ever inherently evil for Neville. And how could that be possible for a man steeped in the philosophy of his faith as well as strongly drawn to the works of the Buddha and Rabindranath? I really wish I could have sat with him more often, reading Tagore from the original. How happy he would have been, attuned as he was to Tagore’s vision of the Beauty of the Infinite in all of creation.
Neville was drawn to Nature, and some of his happiest hours were spent in Matheran. These mini holidays revived his spirits and brought freshness to urban life.
He was the embodiment of contentment. I have never heard him hanker for ‘more’ or complain about the many responsibilities that he had to shoulder. Some duties pertained to the family which he performed without complaint, however irksome they were. Some burdens he willingly shouldered for the sake of his beloved extended family, even though they told on his health and peace of mind; and eventually played a part in weakening his constitution. He countered the ‘evil’ tendencies of others with a firm faith in humanity. This made him see the good in those very persons whose actions were so detrimental to the cause he held most dear. I well remember how he would smile kindly when one became agitated and bitter about some obnoxious family members-a silent reminder of our own frailties and shortcomings. He never pointed a finger at anyone and this acceptance of ‘what is’ and the hope of ‘eternal improvement through right understanding’ drew all to him. And he was repaid with a lot of love and affection by all who came to know him.
Neville’s visits to Pune brought great joy to my brother Navroze and my sister in law Glynn, and his photograph had pride of place on Glynn’s piano, next to that of her beloved Navroze. Both cousins seemed to smile down at the world from their photo frames, spreading the presence of their love throughout the room, keeping Glynn company through the many lonely hours she must have spent with only her fond thoughts of her departed loved ones to keep her company.
Dear Neville, may your soul ever shine through the curtain of death to touch our lives with your invisible presence and guide us on the path of Truth and Love.
Ameen.